Sunday, September 19, 2010


On a business trip I found myself l alone in Orlando, Florida for a few days. I had to kill some time (well, perhaps “spend” is a better term; I don’t want to be accused of chronomicide), so I went to Disneyworld.

It wasn’t much fun. I stood in lines, once in a while making small talk with the families and lovers around me. After a ride I’d bounce down the path, momentarily thrilled, which quickly evaporated.

I like movies, but they are a little shallow when I see them alone. I want to share the plot twists, talk about the actors’ skills, the directors’ choices.

Reading books, listening to music, going on hikes, camping, are joys deepened by sharing.

Not everyone is like that. I know people who do such things alone and enjoy them thoroughly. Not me. I prefer to savor experiences with someone.

I’ve a lot of freedom now. Single. Kids moved out. I need to go home to feed Bogie, my mutt from the pound, but my schedule is completely filled with my choices.

I’m not going to the movies. I’m not going out to eat. Such things feel empty without someone beside me.

Oh, I’m fine puttering around my house, doing little projects. I’m comfortable with myself, and Bogie seems to enjoy my explaining to him what we’re doing next. :) It’s just not a full experience.

I think God understands this. I know He does. First, He made me, and He “gets” me (glad someone does!). But, I think as omniscient and omnipotent God is, I think there is something He needs.

God is love.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

God IS love.

Love is giving oneself to another.

Love requires something.

Love requires someone to love.

God requires someone to love.

This makes sense. Before He created Earth, before He created Angels, before He created time, He was.

Forever. There was eternity before there was time. And in that eternity there was only God. A triune being of pure love.

We have a little trouble with the idea of the trinity, a being three in one. Sometimes it helps to use the metaphor of being a two dimensional being observing the intersection of a three dimensional being who place three fingers of a single hand on his universe (was that unclear? I can go into greater detail if you like.).

Perhaps a better metaphor for myself is the parts of myself which view the universe differently. There is my mind, which likes to observe, measure, record, define, ruminate. There is my heart which, admittedly, is a little soft. It reacts more slowly than my mind, responds to the grief of others, responds to the hardships of others, responds to the joy of others. There is my spirit. (This is the slippery part.) My spirit senses things the other parts don’t. That part senses beauty and eternity and God.

Perhaps that is the closest I can come to imagining how a single being can be three.

Perhaps that is how I can understand a little how God is love, something that requires someone to love, when He was there before there was even an eternity to share with angels.

Yes God, God don't never change
He's God, always will be God
God in the middle of the ocean
God in the middle of the sea

---Blind Willie Johnson

Interesting that creating angels was only the first part of His desire to share His love with others beyond the community of a triune self. He went on to create a race of beings who are inherently self centered, capable, even disposed to, being selfish. Perhaps winning the love of the selfish is sweeter.

All this is beside my point (sorry for the rabbit trail). My point is, I long to share my life. (You know, I’m NOT sorry for the rabbit trail!) This isn’t about being codependent.

I just want to share.


Marvin the Martian said...

True, there were a lot of things I didn't do when I was alone, because doing them alone felt strange. Nowadays, there are a lot of things I don't do because I have someone. ;-) It's always a trade-off.

Amrita said...

We were created to relat e to each other... to live in a community.

Judas Hate said...

I for one am glad you are sharing with us;-)

Erin Wilson said...

I was in your neck of the woods (relatively speaking) today. It was good to understand a tiny bit of you from the beautiful landscape.


Ame said...

i totally, totally get it. me, too.

Victoria said...

Curious Servant, it has been a privilege to read your blog and share in the journey through life. Hang in there, especially when you are alone. I know it tough sometimes, but God has a plan.

Victoria said...

oh, I forgot to say:
Please write that you book, you have a gift.

Reva said...

I'm glad you have a blog, too. Being alone stinks.... and sometimes people are alone even when they are with someone. I'm glad M is in your life to share these things with. Oh and down the rabbit trail thingy about the trinity.... Some of what you said was insightful... but, I think we are more a reflection of it ( the trinity ) in that we are Spirit/heart, Mind and Body . ( Spirit and heart are one and the same rather than different. It is who we are.... the body holds and feels with the senses and the mind is the intellect. What do you think?