A Little Thump

“Oooooh! I can feel Joshua moving around in there!”

I smiled at my beautiful bride.

“I wish you could feel him, but it’s too soon.”

Last Friday the ultrasound gave us a tour of our little one. The round head, corneas reflecting the ultrasound brightly. Spinal column, pulsating heart. The correct number of fingers and toes. And, a little appendage between the thighs indicating the baby’s gender followed Pop’s not Mom’s.

Joshua Joseph Greenleaf.

They said it would probably be a week or two before his kicks and punches would be visible and felt by anyone from the outside world.

Still, my sweety suddenly grabbed my hand placed it on her abdomen.

“Feel right here!”

Nothing.

We waited and nothing.

At least a minute and a half.

And then it happened.

A little thump beneath my thumb.

“Oh!,” we said together.

What a thrill. I really am going to have a biological child.

This whole relationship has been swift. It has been a blessing.

Partly I attribute that to the thorough screening system of eHarmony. Their matches were good, and though I went through hundreds of choices, and emailed scores, and dated dozens, when I met her it was perfect, swiftly, wonderfully, perfect.

I’ve had friends who questioned that.

That doesn’t bother me. I know from the outside it may see sudden.

Perhaps they forget I am not impulsive, that I think deeply about everything in my life.

There were cautions about divorce, which I found amusing. I stuck by first marriage long after most would have quit. Six times I forgave my first wife and gave her another chance.

I’ve one friend, someone I care about, who is so angry about this “hasty” marriage that there has been a refusal to talk to me, or even make eye contact. I regret that loss but I understand that those outside cannot know what I feel on the inside.

There is the emotional aspect of this. I don’t mean the heady infatuation of new love. I mean a deep contentment that comes from doing a very right thing. And the deep contentment of having someone in my life who calls on me to be myself in ways I’ve never felt free to be before.

I feel I am growing into who I was created to be. I am feeling a growing solidness to my personality, a sense of identity, of maturity, of stability that is more natural than any stage I have felt in my life before.

I also feel my Lord’s presence, His guidance, His assurance.

That is the real point I wish to make here. I may be well versed in matters of science, yet I have no doubts that there are spiritual truths (which we are simply ill equipped to measure scientifically) and that these things of the Spirit are true, are real. A personal relationship is what I have with the divine, and that this marriage has been given to me.

This past week, during Spring Break, I replaced light fixtures and repainted in the living room. It feels so good to sweat for someone I love.

And now, I feel a little kick beneath my thumb as I press my hand against my wife’s swelling belly.

I feel joy.

I feel gratitude.

I feel a contentment I have never known before.

My Wife

My wife’s voice is doing its best to follow the melody of the hymn coming from the TV set. She keeps on pitch little better than I do. And I can’t carry a tune with a boom box. But her enthusiasm, the depth and sweetness of her heart, the passion she has for her faith, makes her song a lovely thing.

We took a nap this afternoon. We had lunch at a buffet and carried as much away from that restaurant that our bellies could hold. A nap seemed a wonderfully pleasant thing to do.

Her belly is swelled with more than the huge salad, soup, bread, and strawberry lemonade. She is carrying my child.

That’s a little bewildering.

I gave up on the idea of a biological child two decades ago.

My wife could not bear children, so... adoption. First Willy, the child taken home while he was yet less than a day old. The child who died three and a half months later. Then, two boys from Haiti. Two boys who’d faced terrible things at the start of their lives, and grew up in my home. Now they are on their own (sort of... they both have handicaps and live under the guidance of a group home and U.S. Job Corps).

Now my home consists of myself, my little dog, my wife of a few months... and the child within her.

A little bewildering.

I look at her swelling belly and wonder at being a father (again).

I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Perhaps ever.

I’m not blithely happy. I am concerned about my age (I will be 55 next month... that number is a limit under some circumstances) and what it means to raise a child.

But I am very happy.

This child is a blessing, a wonder, and a bit frightening... But not the source of all my happiness.

I am happy with my wife.

She is 41 and has sought all her life for someone to share that life with. Astonishing she finds that in me.

My faith is important to me. It is reinforced in what I learn about the world around me (I am a voracious reader of scientific news). It is reinforced in personal experiences (granted, not the sort of proof others can use, but quite strong for me).

Faith is foundational for my wife.

That is a rare thing.

It is something which provides the assurance I need to trust (my first wife had weaknesses which damaged my trust).

I was quite intentional in seeking my wife. I took some time to heal from my divorce. I dated. There was much hesitation there. I joined eHarmony and got very serious about meeting people. A lot of people. Up to four dates a week.

Now I have someone in my life who is sweet, so sincere, so loving of the same God I love...

And, she is bearing my child.

That’s a little bewildering. I see the swell of her tummy and wonder at it. I’ve never had someone bear a child for me. It is humbling, and... I don’t know... More than I can express.

I’ve been working around the house (I yanked out the woodstove and removed all the brickwork in the living room, and am preparing to paint rooms in preparation for the child who will be here in late Summer).

I feel this strong direction to be a good steward. A good steward of my money, my resources, and my wife’s heart.

She has a deeply gentle spirit and if a shadow were to fall upon that heart the fault would be mine.

She is supportive of me, follows me, and it is up to me to protect her in every way I can.

I love my wife.