Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Anniversary/Thanksgiving

Today is our anniversary. Twenty six years.

Yesterday morning I was comforting my sobbing son Isaac, telling him not to think that he had anything to do with Brenda leaving us. He said he wanted to talk to her. So I sent her a text message and she called back, saying she was coming over in a few hours.

My friend and pastor came over, gave my sobbing children hugs and prayed for them. He left.

She showed up.

Isaac begged her to come back. She said she would. I said we needed to work some things out first.

We went off to talk. She said she couldn't leave. I told her that I didn’t see how we can rebuild the broken trust between us.

She didn’t beg or plead. She did mumble a “sorry.”

I told her that if she were to stay that we could not continue the way things have been. There isn’t room for three in our bed.

I told her that if she did stay she would have to find ways to remove temptation and make me feel comfortable enough to try to trust her. Working at the same place as him and having a disposable cell phone which keeps no records of her calls were two things that made it easier for her to sneak around.

“Beyond what this does to me, what it does to us, being secretive and sneaky is not good for you. You need to live an open honest life.”

She slid her cell phone across the table to me.

“I don’t want to take this. It’s like I’m your daddy or something and am punishing you by taking away your phone.”

“You aren’t taking it, I’m giving it.”

She says she will not contact this man again.

She says she will seek another job.

Though I was reluctant to do so, I agreed. How can I refuse her when I made a vow to love and cherish her always? I must forgive her. I must take her back. Even though she spent the previous night with another man.

I knew I must at least do all I can to make this work.

So I emailed him at work:

Subject: Brenda


The hiding and sneaking must end.

I love my wife. I want to help her as best I can. I want her to be happy and am willing to do anything to make that happen.

But we cannot move on with you in the picture.

When she tries to follow her two hearts she is miserable, unhappy. Hiding in shadows is not healthy for her. It places her in a position of living a lie.

If she chooses you, then that is at will be. I will permit that.

But if she chooses to stay, then she must live a life that is not about hiding in shadows, stealing moments, stealing integrity.

I suspect you may not be a man of integrity, since you have fostered this double life in her.

If she chooses to stay with you, fine. But if she makes a choice to come home and love our children and work on finding the happiness I know she can find if she will deal with the deep hurts she carries, I will do all in my power to help her.

I will also do all in my power to make this relationship with you a clean break.

That is my biggest concern for her. That her continued duplicity will eat away at her soul. So I am asking you... If you have any sense of right and wrong, if you have any integrity, do not continue a relationship with a woman who is trying to repair the damage done in her home. Making love to a woman with a wedding ring is wrong.

I would never do such a thing. I pray that you would see that it is hurting her (and others as well).

If she chooses to break it off, make it easy for her to stay true to that choice. I will do the same.

If it comes to it, I am willing to meet with you and discuss this rationally.

In anger, frustration, forgiveness, and love,

Will Greenleaf

So there it is. It is Thanksgiving. A day for counting our blessings and being grateful. It is also our anniversay. I have mixed feelings about both.

May the next 26 years will be better than the last.


wilsonian said...

...continuing in prayer...

~m2~ said...

you are a remarkable soul. i am also joined with erin in praying for you all.

ame said...

i understand.

keep doing what you're doin

Judas Hate said...

My admiration and respect for you cannot be expressed in words.

You are an amazing man, father, son, friend, teacher, person, husband and servant!!

I love you Will. And I continue to pray for you all.

I am thankful for you!


Anonymous said...

I echo the above....
Hard to comprehend it all - actually I can't.

just love and pray for you.

Amrita said...

I agree with what you said to Brenda.

Hope the boys are feeling better. Must be so hard for them to understand.

Your email to John is remarkable, very well expressed. I could have never been able to do that.

God loves you and we love you

Coco said...

who am i to say what is right or wrong for you and your children...
or for brenda?!

trust in the Lord,
and in your heart...
let Love guide you.

may the decisions that you both make, be what's right for ALL of you!!

wishing you God's peace & love in your home and in your hearts.


ukok said...

I don't have words, not helpful ones anyway. However, I am praying for you and yours. More than anything I pray that God gives your family peace. Your all deserve that much at least. How will you attain it? I honestly don't have a clue, but with God, all things are possible.

Cinder said...


I am continuing to pray for you and your family...that He will fill your home with His love, peace and blessings.

MMM said...

In the Desert of the Real, I approach yet another altar to that which we worship.

Truth watches me approach, and does not recoil at the fire in my eyes. I have seen lies hurt people, and it angers me. And in my anger is a twisted soul wondering how I can be angry for others when there but for the grace of God have gone I, more than once or twice.

I stare Truth down.

Truth stares back, and offers no apologies. Pain hides behind her skirts, looking at me fearfully. He knows what he has done. The annoying little imp.

But Truth protects him, because even Pain is honest.

I back away slowly, never breaking eye contact.

When the altar has receded, I allow my shoulders to slump. I hate having no choice but to endure, and I hate it worse when I KNOW there is no other choice.

You've been so brave, Will. And I can only stand in awe.

Pia said...

i can understand. i'm still praying for you, will.