Happy Anniversary/Thanksgiving

Today is our anniversary. Twenty six years.

Yesterday morning I was comforting my sobbing son Isaac, telling him not to think that he had anything to do with Brenda leaving us. He said he wanted to talk to her. So I sent her a text message and she called back, saying she was coming over in a few hours.

My friend and pastor came over, gave my sobbing children hugs and prayed for them. He left.

She showed up.

Isaac begged her to come back. She said she would. I said we needed to work some things out first.

We went off to talk. She said she couldn't leave. I told her that I didn’t see how we can rebuild the broken trust between us.

She didn’t beg or plead. She did mumble a “sorry.”

I told her that if she were to stay that we could not continue the way things have been. There isn’t room for three in our bed.

I told her that if she did stay she would have to find ways to remove temptation and make me feel comfortable enough to try to trust her. Working at the same place as him and having a disposable cell phone which keeps no records of her calls were two things that made it easier for her to sneak around.

“Beyond what this does to me, what it does to us, being secretive and sneaky is not good for you. You need to live an open honest life.”

She slid her cell phone across the table to me.

“I don’t want to take this. It’s like I’m your daddy or something and am punishing you by taking away your phone.”

“You aren’t taking it, I’m giving it.”

She says she will not contact this man again.

She says she will seek another job.

Though I was reluctant to do so, I agreed. How can I refuse her when I made a vow to love and cherish her always? I must forgive her. I must take her back. Even though she spent the previous night with another man.

I knew I must at least do all I can to make this work.

So I emailed him at work:



Subject: Brenda

John:

The hiding and sneaking must end.

I love my wife. I want to help her as best I can. I want her to be happy and am willing to do anything to make that happen.

But we cannot move on with you in the picture.

When she tries to follow her two hearts she is miserable, unhappy. Hiding in shadows is not healthy for her. It places her in a position of living a lie.

If she chooses you, then that is at will be. I will permit that.

But if she chooses to stay, then she must live a life that is not about hiding in shadows, stealing moments, stealing integrity.

I suspect you may not be a man of integrity, since you have fostered this double life in her.

If she chooses to stay with you, fine. But if she makes a choice to come home and love our children and work on finding the happiness I know she can find if she will deal with the deep hurts she carries, I will do all in my power to help her.

I will also do all in my power to make this relationship with you a clean break.

That is my biggest concern for her. That her continued duplicity will eat away at her soul. So I am asking you... If you have any sense of right and wrong, if you have any integrity, do not continue a relationship with a woman who is trying to repair the damage done in her home. Making love to a woman with a wedding ring is wrong.

I would never do such a thing. I pray that you would see that it is hurting her (and others as well).

If she chooses to break it off, make it easy for her to stay true to that choice. I will do the same.

If it comes to it, I am willing to meet with you and discuss this rationally.

In anger, frustration, forgiveness, and love,

Will Greenleaf


So there it is. It is Thanksgiving. A day for counting our blessings and being grateful. It is also our anniversay. I have mixed feelings about both.

May the next 26 years will be better than the last.