I went with Brenda to her substance abuse treatment this morning. It was supposed to be "family day," a chance for the group's participants to bring a family member.
It was interesting. It helped me understand a few things.
We did an activity where we listed 10 things we love about our family member (and why), and 10 things we appreciate (and why).
Brenda's reaction was not what I expected.
I tried to say the things that are true, that I really feel, and in a way that would build her up.
But on the way home her anger grew and grew.
It seems that she felt like I looked like a great guy, and why would she want to leave that?
At any rate... She is resentful, hurt, angry, and I don't know what to do about it. She took the list I wrote with her, or I would have copied it out here to see if anyone out there has insight into her heart.
Doesn't matter I suppose.
She is who she is. I can only work on me.
She was so upset I decided to take us to Denny's for coffee rather than home to where our kids are. She needed to calm down a little.
Her moods went up and down all afternoon. She just left, headed for an AA meeting, visibly upset.
I don't know what to do.
I guess just one foot in front of another.
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9 comments:
One foot in front of the other.....That's what Jesus did....
You are walking in His footsteps and you have company.
Crummy as it is and unbearable as it is..one foot in front of the other.
S
It's hard to remember, sometimes, that when dealing with an addict working thru their addiction, one is dealing with an irrational person. But, oh my, she doesn't let you forget for long, does she?!!!
I'm sorry. I understand. I remember. It really sucks.
sweetie, i can only say -- and i know you have been in spades -- be patient with her. it is difficult to help someone who doesn't open up, that isolates the way she does.
time takes times, dear one. and if she is not picking up, then she is feeling her feelings for the first time in probably forever; she cannot self-medicate through this so she attends meetings. i can identify.
and yeah. i agree -- it really does suck. badly.
for everyone.
Brenda is going thru a bad time. She 's had a hard difficult life Will.Such tragedies she 's had to face. But she found a good husband in you.
Its a great test for your patience.
Sometimes the best defense is a good offense......she's so scared, has screwed up so badly and you're being so good she wants to see when and IF you'll get mad....then you'll be the one abandoning her......we're one messed up people you know. Keep following Him Will.....wherever He leads.....don't let her take you anywhere else.....just thinking out loud here I don't know anything for sure anymore but just felt like I could offer this here....
This morning she gave me a bottle full of vicadin... pain killers. She said she has been thinking for a while now about swallowing the whole bottle.
She asked me to take them away.
Now I am at work. I am behind in my lesson planning. I have a new class starting today that I haven't planned for.
I need to focus...
She asked me this morning the age old question "How could a good God allow the innocent to suffer, the weak and fragile be hurt by evil?"
I told her that God is love. That He loves us enough to give us the freedom to reject Him, to do what we want, that He won't pull our strings to make us do what is good, to be forcved to draw near to Him.
That means He doesn't pull the strings of those who do evil. It seems hard, it seems impossible for us to live in such a world... but we are only mayflies. Our suffering really doesn't last very long. At the most it is only a 100 years. That isn't very long from the perspective of eternity.
Still... it is hard to keep going... I had a fitful night last night. I'd guess three hours sleep.
Sheesh...
Lord Have mercy, Christ have mercy. Give me strength and wisdom today...
will, that was really brave of her to give you those pills.
she needs to go into a treatment facility -- is there any way you can get her into one?
I checked around, and there doesn't seem to be anything for this, short of an emergency room.
I will bring it up at our counseling session tomorrow.
i'm wondering about serious mental health issues... I'd love to see her with a psychiatrist besides a counselor. The mood swings are pretty unpredictable and erratic. Giving you the pills was a good thing. Saying she really wants to live even though she wants to die..make sense?
Will, protect your health all the way around somehow. Yes, we ask the Holy Spirit to intervene.
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