Monday, September 1, 2008


I'm propped up against pillows in the bedroom, tapping away at this keyboard.

The closet door is open. The back wall visible for the first time in years. Her clothes are gone. There are similar empty spots on shelves and walls where pictures have been.

I thought this would bother me more than it does.

I feel something, but it isn't regret. It isn't loneliness (though that may come). I'm not angry or frustrated.

I think this feeling is... relief.

I pressed her about the divorce papers. She hasn't looked at them in some time. It ticked her off a little. But she saw my laptop on an Oregon Law website about divorce (or rather "dissolution of marriage"), and the yellow pages open to "attorneys".

She was testy about my being able to do what I wish, but she wasn't going to chip in on attorney fees, and is going to just do as I ask and get this over with.

While I was outside on a ladder, scraping old paint off the west wall, she spent some time with the boys. She told me later she gave them each $10 for lunch money for the week.

Ah... that helps my budget! (See previous post.) My liquid assets just rose from $67 until the 25th to $77.

At any rate.

I feel a little better... a little better able to focus regarding the start of school.

Tomorrow little wide eyed sixth graders will be roaming about, getting used to the great big middle school... a one day jump before the filling of hallways with seventh and eighth graders.

It is amazing the difference that happens to these kids in the three years they are here.

I was so surprised, a little taken aback, the first time one of those little guys fresh from elementary school gave me a hug. It doesn't take them long to learn that isn't the way of things in middle school. Now I can usually side step those good intentioned signs of affections without hurting their feelings, still make them feel valued, important.

At any rate.

This was good timing. I feel more secure in the progress of this train wreck of our marriage, and I can better concentrate on the new school year.

And... discretionary funds after tithing just jumped 15%.


Judas Hate said...

I hope you have a great first day back:-)

Lucy Stern said...

You have got to be a special teacher to handle middle schoolers.....They are too old to do certain things and too young for Good luck on your first day.

Fred said...

I agree with Lucy...I could never teach in middle school I'm not patient enough.