Tuesday, September 16, 2008


She has finally responded to the text message I sent over the weekend. She says they will be back late Thursday or early Friday.

She says she is willing to pay half the fees, and that we should wait until my pay day.

Nah... I am willing to pay the fees and I don't want to wait. I'll beg the money if I have to.

There has been so much stalling on her part, I don't want any built in delays.

Perhaps I put it a little strongly, but I texted: Come Friday, sign papers. I don't want this nightmare 2 last 1 second longer than it has 2.

She's been on vacation.

With her boyfriend.

Meanwhile... I'm working on the house, doing laundry, grocery shopping, going to IEP meetings for my kids, writing lesson plans, grading tests, grading projects, cleaning the house (today we steam clean the living room), blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda yadda, the thing, the thing, thing...

I think my default emotion is happy. And underneath all this other junk, I feel it still.

But lately I have been ticked off.

My wife is on vacation with another man.

Work is a good distraction. Teaching students, sparking curiosity, fostering self expression, building up team work, these are tasks which make me smile, help me focus on something tangible.

Work is a good distraction. I've spent several hours every evening touching up the paint in places around my house. I run in every little while, check on the boy who is fixing dinner, give him some suggestions. One side of the house has its second coat of trim. I love pausing after a completed task, critiquing the quality of what I have done.

Work is a good distraction. I got up early, about four, dragged the living room furniture onto the back deck so I can steam clean the carpet this afternoon. I poured baking powder on the stain from Rocky the day we locked him in to keep Brenda out. Then it was another 45 minute walk with Rocky in the fields lit by a full moon, and back home before the sun poked its face over the Cascades.

Work is good.

We are made for work.

Even though Adam longed for a mate, someone he could talk to, a colleague, a partner (just as I long for one), he didn't get one. Not right away.

Instead, God put him to work.

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

Genesis 2:18-20

Even animals work. They gather, or hunt, or , at the least, strain food from their environment.

Work is good.

At least, it's good for me.


Marvin the Martian said...

Work is what keeps humans going, in spite of adversity and illness and pain. It's good for everyone.

And there's nothing to be ticked off at - the woman who is on vacation with another man is not your wife, and has not been for some time. Your paths diverged many months, if not years, ago. The events of this summer and fall are merely the denouement of your painful saga. ;-)

Amrita said...

You are ticked off as you are her husband even tho physically separated...God created that bond between you.

Let her share the expenses, if she is willing. Legal work is so expensive.

Ame said...

when we think of what the other gets to do in liu of the responsibility of caring for and tending to the needs of family and home, it can turn into something beyond livid. but the work ... so much to do ... good for the soul, for the mind.

my ex, who has nothing to tend to except himself, is critical of the way i live when i must care for our children, iep's and ard's, specialists, homework, emotions, meds, the house and the home, and somewhere along the way, myself. he works out all the time, lost a bunch of weight, squabbles in agreement with his parents about how horrible i am ... critisizes me ... yet does nothing to help.

i choose not to think of these things. i choose to think, instead, that my girls are VERY well-adjusted, happy, growing, thinking, loving, incredible girls who are safe b/c they're with me. i choose to think, instead, that i have no regrets, no shame, so 'wish-i-had's' floating around in my closet. sure, i wasn't perfect. but i forgive myself for my imperfections and move on.

it gets better; it really does.