(Live)It isn't a new moon, thin, waxing. I love seeing the newest moons, a day after new.
It isn't a full moon, ruling the night as God said it would.
It isn't even a quarter moon.
The moon tonight is artistically off the clean divisions we like to make.
Today is a the first of a New Year, hopefully one that is... say... less educational.
In the coming year I need to find a life for Jeremiah, a group home, by June.
I need to teach Isaac to find and keep a job.
I'll be going to Thailand in June with a brief visit to Paris.
I've got a lot of work, my great job, to keep me occupied until then.
And... I will become settled in a new life, or at least be on the path to one.
But... right now... the phase of life I am in is a lot like tonight's phase of Luna. It's a time that doesn't measure out evenly, no clear answers.
This isn't making much sense. Sort of the point.
Twelve step programs include honesty self inventory.
Being honest with myself...
I know I'm a little different than other people... but the closer I look at other people I see that each and every one of is a little different than other people. Each unique... and surprisingly, each hurt in unique ways, has unique skills, gifts, temperaments.
Curious. I'm curious. I like to learn new things, it's almost an obsession.
Creative. When I shape something, a drawing or a painting or a carving or a computer generated image pull out the exact word for what I want to say, I feel alive and some how connected to something else, somewhere else. I'm creative.
Sensitive. Not a manly quality, but mine.
A bit of a doormat. A touch needy.
Spiritual. Every thing in my life echoes with it.
Procrastinator. I think. Sometimes I seem to have things planned way out and carry through precisely, sometimes I just put things off until the last moment.
Confused. Does being confused come out of being curious? Probably.
Quirky. It's a little strange I know what phase the moon is in. It's a little strange I mark Winter solstice by a mid night walk in a fresh snow. It's a little strange living in a cave, living in an ashram, and hitchhiking thousands of mile. I have a quirky history. I do quirky things.
Emotional. Sunrises to paintings, Bach to The Beatles, weddings, births, death, and divorce, I feel strongly.
She called this morning. Business coated with drama. True drama, not an act. But, drama. She regrets, she wishes, she... isn't what I need in my life. She will always be a part of my life, but I don't need to swim in that stream.
I haven't any answers. I haven't even a coherent post here. (Though I think it had potential when I started.)
I just know my life has been filled with odd phases, significant moments, milestones.
I'm sorting through who I am, what my life is like, doing self inventory... (Hey! I'm making a list, and I'll be checking it twice!)
So, no answers, lots of questions. Hmmmm... at least that suits the curious part of my nature. Perhaps that is why my life is quirky, after all, curiosity killed the cat (but was it the cat's curiosity?).
The phase I am in now is like tonight's moon... not one which fits neatly in descriptions, an "in between."
...............
(Dang... another poorly written post! Oh well.)
6 comments:
I don't think it was poorly written.
Great honesty often does not come with great fanfare.
Happy New Year, my curious friend.
Happy New Year
Who knows where He's takin you in 09 and isn't that what it's about??...we can make plans but He knows what's gonna happen and are we OK with that.
Will,
At least now you're not dog paddling in the pool of
" " anymore. You've made some healthy new beginnings...Keep going. To me, you're the Michael Phelps marathon man!
Thank you for sharing a snapit of yourself. Try not to judge yourself too harshly! Hope you have a great 2009! (whatever it brings)
Mayit be a very good new year you and the boys!
and take a lot of pictures on your trips! ;)
blessings friend!
I think was a nicely written post. It's good to know we're not alone in how we feel about things. I pray that this new year will bring many blessings to you!
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