Sunday, June 7, 2009

CS Update

Sorry about that!

I see all those visits by all you kind folks... my stat counter tells me when you drop in, where you are from, and those city names and IP numbers represent a lot of nice people.  I am grateful for your visits, your prayers, your friendship.

So... I was informed today it's been a week since I last posted.

Oh my!  That snuck up quick!  So... sorry about the many times so many of you have fruitlessly checked in on me, only to find the same ol' post.

Last week was a week of collecting projects and papers from my students, drawing the school year to a close... make final plans on how to wrap it all up.

And Isaac graduated Friday night.  That was huge.  I frequently told him it didn't matter to me what his grades were as long as they represented his best effort.  Therefore I am very pleased, very proud of him.  This young man... at one point we weren't sure if he could handle the load of regular classes... but he worked hard and he earned a regular diploma... for real.  He did it!  Isaac graduated.

This past week I have been doing my best to keep in touch with Jeremiah... driving to the group home 7.4 miles away and making sure he feels loved, still a part of this home.  He spent the night here last night... first time since he moved out.

This past week my mother has been here.  She came to see Isaac graduate, to see my brother (who doesn't keep in touch with her nearly as much as she would like), and spend some time with me.

I've been working in my garden quite a bit too.  That round garden, the one comprising a 10 foot radius, 314.159 not so square feet, my metaphor garden, is sporting lots of interesting plants, and my larger rectangular garden is filling up nicely with weeds, along with the potatoes and artichokes and strawberries and corn.

So... you can see... I am doing well... and I have been busy, and therefore have plenty of very good reasons not to blog as often as usual.

You're not buying this are you?...

"Come on CS... tell us about her!"

"What?  Who?"

Ok, OK... You're right.  She is the reason I have been too preoccupied to write.

She's a beauty.

I've been reluctant to write because I did not wish to reveal too much about this part of my life, my healing heart, until I was comfortable with letting folks know, and comfortable with knowing it myself.

But every night I spend hours emailing and texting and IMing and phoning a beautiful woman with two fine children. Every night I have been listening to CDs she has made for me while I sit in a room lit by candles and the computer screen scrolling through messages between she and I.  Every night I have been wondering if it is possible I have met someone who is right for me.

And there is this weekend... a date on the calendar I have been watching approach for so very long... Saturday I leave for Thailand and will be gone for up to six weeks.  It makes exploring this friendship, this relationship, interesting.  A framework of the calendar that constrains what we can and cannot do.

It is probably a good thing.  She and I have been going out quite a bit and there's nothing that can put more perspective on things, see them from a far, than to have an entire planet between us.  It will make us slow down, take stock, think things over (though I am informed I overthink things... would you agree?).

We had gone out a couple of times, we had a BBQ at my place and a dinner at her place, and not counting all the times we have run into each other through various circumstances, I would argue we have had four dates or so before we even held hands.

Sounds hokey, doesn't it?!

So what?!

Ha!

We are being careful with our hearts, being careful with each other, and being careful we do not rush into something we are not ready for.

I still feel reluctant to say too much... partially because I don't wish to upset the apple cart, but also because it is different writing about her.

With Brenda I felt I had the freedom to write about how I felt with her since she had refused to take an interest in what I felt, what I thought, what I had to say.  She just didn't care.

This is different.

She does care what I feel, what I think, what I say.  So this blog cannot be as open as it used to be.  She deserves the respect of being cautious with what I might write.

But I can tell you this: She makes me feel wonderful!  She makes me feel I am more than trash set out on the curb.  She makes me feel I am lovable, am worthy of someone.  She makes me feel...

: )

Ah... 

It isn't very often I have trouble expressing myself... but she simply makes me feel very, very good.

10 comments:

Pia said...

Lovely. Have a great trip! I'm very proud of you.

Christopher Krycho said...

I'm glad to hear it... I've been following, reading, praying for you (yay for RSS feeds), and this is good to read.

The feeling you describe is impossible to put into words. :-)

msmarymagdalene said...

In the Desert of the Real, I sit.

And I SMILE. :)

Aphra said...

Thanks for the update. I will be praying for you on your trip.

That she makes you feel good is all we need to know :)

Amrita said...

bring her gifts from Thailand

Anonymous said...

I agree - keep her part out of the "blog".
This is special and private btw the two of you.

Proud of Jeremiah and Isaac!!!!!

Bad Alice said...

This is such a sweet post. I'm glad you have good things in your life.

Marvin the Martian said...

Remember how dark things were for you last year, and I was telling you that it was a good thing, because it would get better? And it did. See?

Life should always come before blogging. Good for you!

MimInPDX said...

; )

Ame said...

:)

i understand :)

i really do! :)