As a very young man I tried tried to be interesting and unusual. I went off for times hiking and hitchhiking, eating wild plants. I joined an ashram. I became a cook in a vegetarian restaurant. Heavy equipment operator, milkman (home delivery), graphic artist, small magazine editor, anything which seemed interesting. I had many adventures.
As I grew older I found I really wanted ordinary things. I life making a living, raising a family, having but one wife.
Today I am on the other side of the planet in a cultural very different. Most of the differences are fun, interesting. The people are kind, sweet, large hearted. They show kindness and respect to each other. Are gentle.
Mostly.
Aside from the trivial TV programming and bad acting, aside from schmaltzy songs in an unknown language, the sex thing bothers me the most here. I felt it a little unnerving to be asked by so many women on the street if I'd like to be their boyfriend for the night. Once five of them had wiggled their way to my table, cajoled a drink from me, and made me a deal for 1,000 baht each to all be my girlfriend for the night.
The next day, on the way to Northeast Thailand, the fellow driving us around kept looking at me, smiling. I thought perhaps I wasn't supposed to wear a hat on a car and swept it off. That wasn't it.
He said "You very handsome man."
Later, in the tiniest of villages, a man came up to me, and instead of shaking hands, he grabbed my forearm, pulled me close and said "You have very nice arms!!"
"I'm rather fond of them myself," I said as I pulled away.
Sex is constant here.
"You want short time or long time?" Women call out. (An hour or a night?)
Last night's bad dream was obviously about working through those ideas. I dreamt I was being ridiculed for the work I had been doing, some sort of installing a section of freeway, estimating and overseeing a project. I wanted to quit, they derided me and laughed. I was embarrassed.
Instead of defending my work, I remeasured everything, checked quality, set things away neatly for future work, packed my things, and left. I quit, but on terms that were mine.
I did not debate who I was, what my work had been. I made sure it was the best I could do, left it in the best condition, and left with a smile and my integrity intact.
I feel a little like that while under this cultural bombardment.
I'm a bit homesick. I'd like some familiar, comfortable things. But I am having an adventure that questions who I am, what I believe, what my integrity stands for. It's exciting to be here, and exciting to still be myself.
I first posted this yesterday in Buri Ram, Thailand. Now I'm editing and polishing the post in Siem Reap, Cambodia.
In Bangkok the stream of prostitutes (I'm sure there were far more than 200 between the place I had a drink with those women and my room two blocks away) seemed a part of the culture. Something I tried my best to not take offense at. But here in Cambodia, it's worse. Poverty and desperation seem to tinge everything. I blush to think of the list the fellow in the Dtuk-dtuk offered me if I wanted. Ëverything very cheap, special for you!"
I wanted to live a life with a family and a faithful spouse. Now my spouse is gone, and my family is moving on. I'm not going to be an astronaut or an oceanographer, but I love my profession, I feel honored in it. I feel honored to simply lie an ordinary life.
It's not a remarkable life.
But I feel an ordinary life is exactly what I want. I want an ordinary life, doing ordinary things, with as much integrity as I can. I want to grow, become wiser, gentler, kinder, and not worry about the influences of the world.
I've heard of organizations who are trying to help people in places such as this. Right now, it seems like that is like trying to empty an ocean with a thimble. The issues are so large. Wealth and poverty, freedom and oppression, kindness and evil.
I don't believe I am made for mighty things. Unless... living my life, being who I am... no... aspiring to be the best of who I can be... that is what I am made for.
I want an ordinary life.
New Temple(when I can get a new charger for that camera, I'll show you something freaky within)
That was kind of cool
My mystery meat soup, and my dad
11th Century Temple
1 comment:
Love your posts Will!!!
fixing the childs bike was the best!!!
c
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