Blessed

If you are reading this, then she has read it and has said it is OK to post.

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This weekend was wonderful. Things have been going well.

Jeremiah is learning to like his new home, comes to church with us every Sunday, and I talk almost every night on the phone.

Isaac and I talk about what is going on in our lives, and I sometimes refer to him as my roommate, to reinforce the idea to him that it isn't about who does what chores, but about what chores need doing.

After a few attempts to go out with someone, (anyone, I thought I just needed to get out, to be open to possibilities... though I was nervous as I could be), I did go out, a couple of times, with someone. And she and her boys came to a BBQ I had with Jeremiah and Isaac. We IM'd a lot. Couple hours of night. Sometimes a little more.

Saturday night she returned the favor and hosted a spaghetti dinner at her place.

We had a couple of red wines on the back deck, surrounded by 30 candles or other glowing things, and talked about anything and everything.

We watched a far too obvious, predictable, short movie.

Sitting on the couch... Suddenly it was comfortable to reach out and take her hand... Holding hands turned to kisses which turned to cuddles which all too swiftly turned to 4:00 a.m. IM/TOO/TIRED&/DONT/WANT/TO/LEAVE/CAN/I/NAP/HERE/ON/THE/COUCH?, to 6:00 a.m. to get Isaac up for church and get Jeremiah and my mother in law.

We spent Sunday afternoon chatting and lying under the cherry trees in my yard, talking.

This is cool. We want to build a good friendship and learn to communicate well and get to know each other and not lose this friendship. This friendship is foundational (though we have slowly been crossing paths and getting to know each other many times since August, it has grown to slightly more than friendship).

Isn't that I really what wanted from my marriage? I want a life worth living, shared with someone else. I want the other person to have dreams and that our paths might be close enough together that we would both be fully who we want to be and still help each other live them.

She emailed several times today. One thing really stuck out:

Will...exploring this relationship has been so amazing for me. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I want and need in a relationship. Aside from the obvious (mutual respect, trust, honesty, integrity, priorities and values, etc.), I want to be with someone who is also going to challenge me to be a better person. I need/want to be challenged intellectually and led spiritually.

Now... isn't that the coolest thing you've ever read?...

I want to be with someone who is also going to challenge me to be a better person. I need/want to be challenged intellectually and led spiritually.

Scripture says men who are good will lead their families spiritually. I found that difficult to do. Brenda wasn't partial to being led very far.

I've been thinking what such a leading might be. How would I do it? Wouldn't be great is if I had a good friend who believed like I do, wanted to grow closer to God, and encouraged me to step forward and find the tools and tasks which help us grow the life we would like to have lived. That we don't settle into routines of church, but seek Him and our own spiritual journies. Shouldn't that be the type of leading the head of the household should have? Seeking to lead others, and oneself, spiritually?

This Thailand trip puts everything in a special framework. Time tables need meeting. Understandings need to happen, lives a littler further shared.

No matter what happens... I have a friend... someone who wants to be my friend.

I had grown very used to being someone who wasn't interesting, was in the way, wasn't worthy.

I feel like the freedom from my marriage, the extra help it is for Jeremiah to be cared for by others, my adventure to the other side of the world, are a way to give me a break.

I feel like I have been told, "Hey, you've done a lot... you've been through a lot, you need some time to sort out who you are, and here are somethings I know you want... here is some time... here is an adventure, here is some quiet, here is a helper..."

"A faithful man will be richly blessed..." -- Proverbs 28:20

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I feel blessed.