Dog Advertisement

- Rocky -
He died suddenly, about a month after Brenda moved out for good.

There's a strange little corner of the internet called Yoville... and sometimes late at night, when I can't sleep, I distract myself there. It is filled with a lot of silly people, a lot of immature ones, a few good ones, and a very few fine souls.

Sometimes little scenarios play out. I was Sam Spade, private eye, investigating the death of a Mrs. Gingerbread Cookie (turns out she had staged her death to frame the owner of a jazz club). It was a kick to drop into that personnae... do the film noir schtick.

A couple days ago a message was at my Yoville residence, pretending to respond to an ad I had (not really) run and I ran with it, writing the following response

Initial message:

I think dogs are special creatures... they have a lot to teach us... and thinking of Rocky, I wrote this reply:

Regarding the dog advertised...

He’s huge. Much larger than you would imagine (he is 1/2 Irish wolfhound). You will instantly feel that he might be too large for your house. You will find however, he takes up as much room, physically and psychologically, as any other dog, even the smallest.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t eat nearly as much as one expects. Turns out, we usually over feed them.

He does, and he doesn’t bark. Most of the time, you can see the look in his eye that he sees something through the window coming down the street that he thinks might require a woof or two from him. He’ll look at you, and if you just shrug like it’s no big deal, he’ll relax and not say a word. Once in a while he will let it loose. He thinks you really aught to come take a look. Once in a while he’s right.

His temperament is better than yours. At least, its better than mine. He doesn’t keep thinking about things that happened at work and let them affect how he’s begging you to take him for a walk.

You can spend time with him. In fact, it’s required. He doesn’t want someone to just pat him on the head. He wants you to be the boss, and he wants you telling him what he should be doing.

He will come of age with you in that you will learn new things about yourself because of him, and you will feel more and more obligated to him as he teaches you about loyalty and unlimited love.

Yes, he is house trained. Unfortunately, he teaches your sons to urinate the way he likes to... on the tree in the back yard. (This isn't true of my kids, but I thought it amusing to put it in.)

Uh, about the chewing on things... He is going to chew up two or three things. One of them will be important to you and you will freak, and he’ll be sorry. You will then realize you can buy stuffed animals at the thrift store for $3 and he will confine his chewing to them and you’ll be sorry that you freaked out, and in the end, you will be a touch more fond of him.

He will only live about ten more years. It will make you sad, but you’ll be glad you had him in your life.

He’s weird looking and people will always be asking you what kind of dog he is, and he’s big, but he doesn’t jump up on folks.

He’s free if I get good vibes from you.