Valentine’s Day II

I just reread last year’s Valentine’s Day Post. That was a bad one.

"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright.

I’ve got a little Bob Marley playing... It’s Valentine’s Day and I went and got a haircut. I strode past the clump of men with anxious faces at the greeting card aisle. I’m not doing the Valentine’s thing this year.

Singing': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright!"

I wrote about Moral North the other day. I think there are things that do not flow from there, that direction from which rightness, goodness, love flows.

I think there are things that don’t feel right, don’t feel like they flow from Him, yet don’t feel they are from moral south either.

I resent Brenda’s life.

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Saying', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")

I resent that for her today is a special day... her first Valentine’s Day when she can openly celebrate it with John.

I resent she goes to concerts, goes fishing every other weekend, goes out to dinner and movies.

What is this feeling? Jealousy? Envy? If so, I might concede they are truly negative. I think it is simply a sense that it isn’t fair.

Singing': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright."

The sense of justice flows from moral north, I know it. I think that’s the kernel within this feeling. She did wrong and it has hurt my children, hurt me. Hurt her family too.

I have overlayed that feeling with a bit of the negative. Jealousy and envy, not good things... But natural.

Singing': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright!"

Part of living this mortal existence is doing the mortal stuff. It is simply messy. Just like being hungry or tired or having to defecate urinate and sleep, simply hurting a little is a part of the deal.

There are a few men I love enough I hug them. That isn’t a machismo-filled, John Wayne sort of act, but I love those guys.

I met with one of them yesterday.

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-o-o-o:"

He is a fellow of deep kindness, someone I can tell anything to... He, some others, and I, talked one night about our weak areas, and he wanted to be reminded to be humble... so I call him “Lowlife,” (he has a nickname for me, but I can’t repeat it).

Lowlife and I were sitting in Starbucks.

I talked a little of what I have written here... and I talked about an idea that's been rolling about my noggin’ for a few months... (I’m almost ready to share it here.)

I shared other of my hair-brained ideas with Lowlife. We sat for an hour in that corner.

I think we are already much greater than we think we are.

The universe’s 12+ dimensions are more than another set of strange dimensions as we know them, I think they are a part of our daily existence.

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be alright. Don't worry!"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry!
"'Cause every little thing gonna be alright."

I think our spirits and minds exist in a non-entropy driven realm, it is our true selves, and we live this mortal life as marionettes. Our true selves can not reach very deep into this thin realm of three dimensions, through the limitations of brains and bodies.

We reach through the narrow window of three dimensions and live these strange little lives, living and loving, sorrows and joys.

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright" - I won't worry!

Such a brief little time on this Punch and Judy stage! I’ve only 30 or 40 years left. Then I can set the puppet down.

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright."

Isaac thought Brenda was coming today to show him her puppy. I just couldn’t tell him that today is the sort of holiday she will want to spend with someone else. I texted her and she called my son to say it won’t be today.

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no!
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright!

I don’t know if I will find someone else to share my life, if Valentine’s Day will someday mean something good to me again.

I have a lot of love in my life. My children, my friends. Lowlife. Even some very special folk who I’ve stumbled across in the internet.

I think time doesn’t move. We perceive it does because the entropy-driven aspect of our mortal selves sets up a slice of the time line in such a way as we perceive it is movement. But that is an illusion... time, from before it was to when its edge flows off into nothing, is always happening, always happened, always about to happen.

A few moments in my life something unusual slipped into these four dimensions and took up residency. They never stopped happening, and in the familiarity with which the accompany my life explains feelings I always had. I think I felt them before they happened. I feel them still. I think every instant of eternity exists forever. Which is why I think we are larger than we think.

If we could really see ourselves as the beings we are beyond these bodies, we would be astonished at how truly limitless we are.

But until then...

I’ll live through this marionette. I’ll consume and excrete. I’ll grow tired and become rested. I’ll be satisfied and I’ll be resentful. I’ll think thoughts limited by the constraints of an organic brain processing thoughts an inorganic mind.

It’s Valentine’s Day and I don’t have to stand in front of shelves of the cards extolling virtuous wives, undying love, passion that never dies...

(I wish I did.)

But... life is good...

"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright.