Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Heart of a Woman

The Bible speaks about how Pharaoh's heart was hardened.

Have you struggled over that concept?

Are some people destined to be sacrificial lambs on the altar of humanity’s salvation? Are some people moved by God to fall away from Him?

Brenda and I are polite to each other. Almost kind. But it is very businesslike. The sense is that we are working toward a short term goal which will permit her to flee my home and run into the arms of another man.

As she prepared to go to sleep in the living room I asked her to talk for a few minutes.

“It feels like you have already closed the door to the possibility that we can work things out,” I said.

“I don’t see how we can.”

“I think you are making a mistake. I think that someday you will regret this.”

“Maybe. But if I stayed, what would you do if I did this again in five years?”

“I think you will. I think that unless you find the parts deep inside of you that hurt you so much, that unless you are healed of the deep sorrows in your heart, you will fail again. You will abandon the next relationship, and the one after that. You need to be healed in ways that the infatuation you feel for this other man cannot fix.”

“Maybe. But he makes me feel something I don’t feel for you anymore.”

“That is infatuation and lust. It will pass. He does not love you the way I love you.”

“No, he is better.”

“I don’t think so. He has only been with you when things are easy. He has only been with you for the fun and the excitement. He hasn’t been there in the tough times. He wasn’t there for you when Willy died. He wasn’t there to comfort you when you had your tubal pregnancy, when you had your surgeries. He hasn’t been there through the tears and anger and frustrations and disappointments. He hasn’t been there to stand firm when it seemed the whole world was falling apart.”

She stood there for a moment beside the bed. She leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the forehead, like one would give a child or an uncle.

Her heart is hardened. She stands on the hope that she can soon run away from the responsibilities of being a mother and a daughter and... a wife.

I truly believe she will be very unhappy if she follows this path.

Isn’t the heart the place that the Lord performs His greatest miracles? Isn’t that the place where He dwells within us? Isn’t that the place where we hear His voice and know the certainty of His sovereignty?

It is Brenda’s heart that needs healing. It is there that the pain of her childhood abuse still bleeds. It is there that she is running wild through open fields toward another man who is probably more fantasy than reality, standing with open arms. It is there that the faintest flicker of her love for me still glows in gathering darkness. It is there she needs a miracle.

“Heavenly Father... It is in my own heart that I most ache. I pray Lord that You gentle me, draw me near, guide my steps. Lord, I beg for a healing miracle in my wife’s heart. Please Lord... guide her to a safe place. I can accept that it may not be with me. I desperately pray that You gentle her heart so she may draw near to You. Bring her to her knees, so she may seek You and see Your truth. Please Lord, I beg, miraculously heal her of her deepest hurts. I pray also for this man, John, that You touch his heart. I pray that he finds a way to draw near to You. Send him people he will listen to, people who can counsel him on his spiritual life, and help him to see that the choices he makes not only affect this family of mine, but his own eternity. Bless him Lord that he may find you. Lord, bless my children, especially Isaac who has questions but does not want to voice them yet. Protect my children Lord. Help me to be the father they need. Lead me Lord. Tell me what You would have me do and I will obey. --Amen.”


Anonymous said...


hang in there!


Aphra said...

It is so true, for women especially, that it is easier to live in the fantasy of the mind that the reality of life. More so when life isn't what you want it. It is easier to run and escape.

Anonymous said...

sh - keep processing your pain, confusion, questions for you teach us while you do. aggf

Aphra said...

I read this in a devotion last night and thought of you. It was on Jeremiah 12, though I don't know if that has any relevance to the quote, just for context.

"God's suffering is always greater and truer than ours because his love is. The purer the love, the keener the pain when the beloved goes astray"

curious servant said...

Isn't it a pity
Now, isn't it a shame
How we break each other's hearts
And cause each other pain
How we take each other's love
Without thinking anymore
Forgetting to give back
Isn't it a pity

Some things take so long
But how do I explain
When not too many people
Can see we're all the same
And because of all their tears
Their eyes can't hope to see
The beauty that surrounds them
Isn't it a pity

--George Harrison

Anonymous said...

Father, change brenda to be a woman and a wife after your own heart. soften her heart towards her husband, will. nothing is impossible with you, Lord. do this for my friend will. i pray this in Jesus' name, amen.

hang in there, will.

Amrita said...

You are very kind and patient Will.I would have blown my top or sunk into deep depression