Sunday, October 28, 2007

Off the Cuff

Your pardon... another off the cuff post.

I don't feel like writing anything witty or falling to lexiphanic hyperbole.

What's going on:

Brenda said she would stay, that she would break things off with this other guy. I haven't said much about it because I am a little gun shy about her intentions. I suspect she still wants to run away and sees the current situation as simply working on her parental obligations, leaving the future to be decided when it comes.

We are going to counseling every Wednesday, and it is tolerable.

Tonight my pastor and the church elders are coming to pray over our home and my children.

I went in for jury duty on Friday and am on a jury. Can't say anything about it. In fact, I'm supposed to avoid talking about it with anyone or meet up with anyone involved in the trial. Weirdly enough, we decided to go out to Portland Friday night, went to a comedy club (first time in 20 years) and the defense attorney was seated just two tables away. (We didn't say a word to each other.)

Things are better. I think.

Brenda has said several times how she does not want to be a mother anymore, yet she still cooks and cleans and tries to be sweet to them.

I have tried to write posts about God working for good in all things, and another post about predestination.

Frankly... I'm too busy working on my marriage and family to spend much time on blogging.

Catch you later...


Aphra said...

Thanks for posting! I was thinking about you tonight and wondering how you were.

Amrita said...

Relax Will, we your blog friends are with you.

Brenda needs to focus herslf on what she wants in life and stick with it. She needs personal counselling.Maybe she is tired of her life.

you are showing me what a true Christian husband should be like, loving the wife as Christ loves the unfaithful church.

Attorneys need to laugh too.LOL

You must have had a good prayer time with all the church people.

ame said...

Just write when you want ... and write from your heart.

I'm not sure how to say this and it simply be what it is. There have been times I've not wanted to be a mother, either. They aren't big things, just tiny seasons. Sometimes ... the weight is just so heavy that I just want to escape ... for about a month ... to have someone care for me rather than always being the care-giver. Sometimes I mentally escape to a white frame, two story house on deserted land on the Mississippi ... with windows open and willows blowing in the breeze ... alone in the house except one woman who is older than I and who cares for all my needs. I am left alone except when I care for company. My room is upstairs with white, cotton draperies softly flowing in the breeze from the large, open windows. White bedding, lace, lots of pillows, pretty, white night gowns, lots of books and music ... and lots of nothing ... no expectations ... no responsibilities ... except to allow another to care for me.

It's unrealistic, I know ... but it's a place I've visited often over the years when the pressure's so high and I can't seem to breathe anymore.

I have one special-needs child; I cannot imagine the weight of two. Sometimes ... sometimes ... I just want to go to a place where I am the one being cared for.

MMM said...

wow, to the above. i wanna visit that house soon. :)

Will, in the Desert of the Real, I stand, watching. Cast your eyes to the south, and there you see me, a figure standing atop a lonely dune, robes whipped about by the wind, the sun beating down.

There! Catch it? I waved!

I am watching and waiting with you. When you feel the need, visit. When you can't, look to the south and see me there, a vigilant figure, watching and waiting...and waving.

Amrita said...

I agree with ame taking care of special needs children is not easy