Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Ultimatum

There has been more weird little problems, ones which upset Brenda today, and she spent the first ten minutes venting about them.

Turns out that the accident she had a year ago created a problem with renewing the license on the car (the insurance company mistakenly sent notification to DMV that the car was totaled, so we did not get the renewal notices). WE got a ticket for expired tags Saturday, and we find the car needs a new exhaust and tuning to pass clean air standards.

No matter. It is just that she was very stressed entering the session today.

She was even more stressed after I read my statement.

Her first response was that she would stay, forever, but that she would hate every minute of it.

I told her “No.”

I want a real marriage. I do not want her trapped in a cage.

I told her that she must be committed to repairing our marriage, to having a good life together.

“Well you can’t make me leave if I won’t. I don’t have to stay and work on our marriage.”

“Yes, I can. If you stay with me, miserable and angry, resentful, and unhappy and unwilling to change that, I can force your freedom on you. I can file for a divorce myself and a judge can divide our things and one of us will move out. But whether I move out or stay, the boys will be with me because I love them, I want them.

“You must choose which side of this fence you will be on. That includes a commitment to this marriage if you stay. You are truly free to choose.

“If you were to die I would figure things out with the boys. You do not need to feel that you must stay. You are free to make this choice. I will not coerce or bribe and offer empty promises.”

“Yeah. OK. I'll just pretend to be the happy wife and do what I have to do.”

“No, you won’t. I am already changing. With or without you I will not be the man I was. I won’t let you live an unhappy life with me. If you stay we will figure out how to make you happy, healthy, whole.”

----------------------

That’s it for now. The counselor asked me to step out so he could talk with Brenda. I have made it clear that she has a week to decide. So, I am out in the car, tapping away at this keyboard.


----------------------

It has been an interesting evening. We have done a lot of talking, even a little laughing.

She is unsure what she will do (I am insisting she take her time and be certain of her choice), but I believe she is working her way to staying here.

There are going to be tough times ahead.

I haven’t time to write a clever post. We are getting the boys ready for bed, fix some nachos for ourselves.

Whether she stays or whether she goes I will be obedient to my Lord.

That is enough for now.

5 comments:

ame said...

Will, you have followed the widsom of God. Thank you for writing as you have and will continue to do so ... watching God work and move and create in your life has been a blessing. Yes, you have already begun to change. God is molding you and making you into the man He created before the foundation of the world ... and that is beautiful ... a reflection of Christ, Himself.

God has taken your hand; He has held you; He has carried you; and He will continue to through your whole life and beyond :)

May God fill your heart and soul and mind with infinite peace that passes all understanding. May you find the confidence of Christ growing and welling up inside you as you experience the Truth that He who began a good work in you will continue it to the very end.

You are defining you ... who you are ... who you are not. And as Brenda makes her choice, it will be clear to her who she is choosing to leave or who she is choosing to stay with forever.

May the grace and peace of God cover your heart and soul and mind and body and spirit as you sleep tonight. May Jesus Christ fill your dreams with Him ... loving you, cherishing you, caring for you, filling you with His strength. May God open your eyes to see you as HE sees you ... May He open Brenda's eyes so she may see herself the way God sees her and loves her.

curious servant said...

Thank you

bjk said...

THAT is everything...praying for both of you...

MMM said...

You brave, brave soul!

I agree with the above. You have acted as a man of God should. You have acknowledged where you may have gotten in wrong. You refuse to compromise. You have set your face like flint, no matter how painful.

You brave, brave soul.

Now, I am not a silly girl, contrary to popular belief. I know that this will hurt, one way or the other.

But I also know that it will heal. From what I have read, you have dug down to the nadir, the root, the fiber of the wound. You have pulled the cause from the root, and left an ugly, gaping, bleeding hole, that one day I pray will be a useful "whole" again.

Oh, Abba. Thank You for men like these, who follow Your commands at the cost of all that is, knowing Your plan is the one that will be fulfilled.

Now, Father, I am your BabyGirl. You know my heart. It bleeds for the pain my brother is now in. Yours, no doubt, shivers in remembered pain, knowing You had to turn away from Yourself, knowing that You had to witness the worst before the best would come.

And it did, Abba, and I thank You. Now, bring Your best to this place, and burst upon the scene like a nova. Wherever You appear, evil and hurt and pain and sorrow cannot remain.

Curve Your all powerful hand gently about the bowed and trembling shoulders of the ones that suffer here. Somehow break through that pain to the quiet, and let them know that it will get better, and better than they could ever hope.

AMMMen!

Amrita said...

I absolutely agree with what you said to Brenda.If she stays she has to be committed and want to try to improve relations, forget the past and work at the marriage. Otherwise its just existing together.
I think Brenda is alot fearful too.She is confused she want to eat her cake and have it too.She needs some discipline in her life, has to learn to pay the price. i am sorry for her and the hard times she has been through and God can soften her heart.