Monday, October 1, 2007

Just a Dream

It was just a dream. Bits of flotsam and jetsam. Or is it jetsam and flotsam since that is the order they would happen? At any rate, dreams are often weird metaphors for what is going on in our lives, a way for the heart and spirit and mind and even the body to work together to keep us sane.

Still, I am going through my day with the emotional residue left by a strange dream.

I think the emotions of a dream are often stronger than their content. When we relate a dream it seems to carry no emotional impact to our listeners. They may find it odd, but they miss what the dream left behind in our hearts and minds.

I wrote a post last night, and I posted it this morning feeling the emotional residue of a dream crystalized in the post I had written.

The post was about the strange series of mechanical breakdowns in our home. How it laid stress on my fragile marriage and offered the fodder for theological debate between my wife and I on the goodness or even existence, of God.

Drifting off to a prescription drug aided sleep I found myself wading in deep dark water, a common dream metaphor for feeling overwhlemed.

There were things floating in the water.

Some were right on the surface, much of it floated at varying depths in strings and clumps.

They were fish hooks.

They were brightly colored bits of rubber and plastic imitating edible tidbits fish might enjoy, and each had hooks on them, some single, some triple, all brass.

I was moving to get people out of the water, my wife, my children. I could feel the hooks biting into my arms, legs, back, chest, sides.

When I emerged from the water the weight of those hooks, some of them clinging to dozens of others, pulled at my skin.

I got my family out. I pulled out a pair of wire cutters and clipped the barbs off the hooks that most hampered my movements and started going around, removing the brass snares from the flesh of my family.

A sense of horror rose in my heart. I snipped the tiny gaffs from my wife’s flesh, backing the curved metal pieces out of her skin.

Now and then I paused to remove a few from myself.

Snip. Off came the barbs. Then I’d tug at the bits of metal and nonsensical, nearly Dr. Seussical type rubber creatures with their impotent hooks stabbing out of their bellies, tossing them to lay beside the lapping water.

As the sun rose in my dream it rose outside my window. The alarm went off. I rolled out of bed.

I began my day with emotional gossamer threads of the strange dream clinging to my heart... Six hours later I still feel wrapped by tiny spider threads of emotional horror and pain and damaged flesh, it is clinging to the emotional reality of this new day.

I posted the piece I had written for this blog the night before and went to work. I taught some great lessons today, around the themes of changing technology, web 2.0 and the ethics of new technologies.

At work I can accomplish clear goals. I almost wish I didn’t have to go home. The reality of home is too much like the surreal world of my dreams.

Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Heavenly father. I am very confused. Lord Jesus, bring me back to that place of peace and serenity of a couple of weeks ago. Holy Spirit, comfort me today. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Amen.

6 comments:

ame said...

How powerful . . . how profound. You're working through this stuff ... or I don't think you'd have had a dream like that. It's such hard, hard, hard work. Going home is like diving into that deep, dark water ... every time.

Yes, Lord, please have mercy on Will ... wash all over and in and through him with Your peace and Your arms of comfort. May he tangibly know Your presence. Amen

Aphra said...

I thought of this passage when I read your dream:

2 Kings 19:27-29
27 " 'But I know where you stay
and when you come and go
and how you rage against me.

28 Because you rage against me
and your insolence has reached my ears,
I will put my hook in your nose
and my bit in your mouth,
and I will make you return
by the way you came.'

Judas Hate said...

"that place of peace and serenity of a couple of weeks ago", is still a step backwards.

Dear Lord, please guide Will and Brenda forward to a resolute place of peace, love, understanding and healing. Please cleanse Wills waters of the painful obstacles that hinder his progress towards the calm. Please heal the wounds that he and his family have suffered.

Amen

bjk said...

JH has some really good insight....and prayers

Anonymous said...

Will,
you are deeply loved and prayed for by all of us...we will pray and pray and pray...

Amrita said...

Your dream is a reflection of what you are going through.i 've had a seres of dreams and I remember them clearly and somehow they give me strength to go on when I am down,maybe dreams are post-it notes from God.

Oh Will, may God comfort you and supply you with all the strength, spiritual stamina and wisdom you need.Take care.