Sunday, October 21, 2007

Lifting Me Up

Ame took me to task for a whistful comment I made in my last post. She was right.

I had written: “It is all such a mess. A divorce would be cleaner, neater. This future is uncertain.

I feel strongly I need to hold to my vows, need to hold steady to what is true, what is right.

Still, everything seems such a mes
s that finding a way to live life without dealing with her infidelities, her anger, her anxieties, and mercurial emotions seems a viable option when I am feeling down.

This blog has been a place where I can put my thoughts, my feelings, and have people share their concerns, their thoughts, their opinions, and most importantly, their prayers. It has lifted me up.

One of those prayers was remarkable enough I shared it with my pastor and friend, who then read a portion of it during the dedication of our new church building.

My friend, Justin, commented to the post Strange Dance words which lifted me up.

Whether by Jeremiah's hands the church burned down is not the question. It is however, why. Could be He needed to touch someone in the community and needed the new building to assist in welcoming this person to his house. Could be the old building was unsafe and through Jeremiah he made the necessary changes. Could be you weren't yet adorned with enough armor to protect you from what was yet to come and this was His way of preparing you. Whatever the case, it is done and you have forgiven him. He has forgiven him. Now you just need to forgive you.

I like that quite a bit. It is typical of the support folks have given me through this strange new sort of community, the blogosphere (we need to come up with a more dignified term for it.)

Ame's comment is along the same lines. People care enough to tell me when I am getting off track. People care enough to follow my story, and when I ask for prayer, care enough to give it freely. (And prayer moves the hand of God.)

In reflecting on our new church building I wrote about the Church being more than a building. I wrote about it being the Living God in our hearts. Church is also community. Whether it is people in the chairs around me on Sunday morns, or fellow believers sitting at computers around the globe.

Community feels good.

It lifts me up.

So, a quick update on the challenges in my life right now.

Brenda and I are being somewhat kind and gentle to each other.

The boys are still shaken by the undercurrents which thread their way through our home.

My church has made a commitment to help pray away the evil which I believe clings to Jeremiah.

Our marriage is very shakey (we had even briefly agreed to a divorce at the last counseling session).

And Brenda has a tumor on her uterus.

So, it is still a mess. But I don't want a divorce.

That's about it. The rains have returned to Oregon this past week, though it is sunny today. The leaves are falling and I'm raking them into the garden to compost. Work is going well, and my back has gotten almost back to normal.

And I'm thinking about this blog, where folks from Virginia and Norway and Hong Kong and India come to encourage me, pray for me, and lift me up.

We are taking off in a few minutes to coach Special Olympics bowling (regional tournament). We will miss church, this second Sunday in the new building, but I know that church is just a part of the Church.

I just want you to know that I am glad to be sharing Church with you, my fellow believer on the other side of that glowing screen.

God bless.


Amrita said...

We are part of God 's family and supposed to lift each other up.
Will pray for Jeremiah. its spiritual warfare. can you get prayers from Mark Buebeck or Neal Anderson for him.

wilsonian said...

A tumor.
Oh God.
Praying over the uncertainty... and the certain sense of loss.

onionboy said...

"And Brenda has a tumor on her uterus..." may even this somehow serve God's design for you both. Lord, have mercy.

ukok said...

I'm sorry to learn of the tumor. Prayers continue to ascend.

ame said...

Will, this is such a hard place where you are. I remember walking into my counselor's office one day and asking, "So, now can I divorce him?" And he kinda laughed and said, "No-ooo."

It seems anything would be better than what is. It's just that ... that's a lie that Satan lures us with to draw us to places we either shouldn't go or are not at a place to go. God would never tell you divorce is cleaner or neater, so you know that must come from Satan.

I'm glad your church is going to pray over you. This may take many times if there are demons in his body. I read a great book about that once, loaned it out, and now I cannot remember the name. But they prayed over this young woman many times before all the demons were exorcised from her body and mind.

I love Justin's prayer ... and I echo his thoughts. You simply see a boy incapable of understanding setting fire to a building. But this is bigger than that ... because God is bigger than that. Justin articulated this much better than I can.

It IS amazing this community we have out here in cyber world. Prayer is powerful ... and that we can pray for others and ecnourage one another and hold one another accountable ... and we may never even meet this side of heaven :) It is truly amazing :)

Anonymous said...

oh Lord God,
work your way into w & b's lives,
uphold & sustain them,
may they be even more kinder to each other,
even more gentler to each other,
move the ground beneath their feet with grace & mercy unlike they've ever experienced before,
remove the evil from j's life,
from their lives,
as prayers are offered up & the devil is resisted,
hold i & j steady in your hands,
calm their insides,
let your loving hand rest upon them,
bring daily joy to this family & home & relationship this week,
give them good dreams that soften their hearts toward you,
dreams that speak clearly to their needs, hurts, desires, failures,
because they can't & we can't,
none of us can make this happen in our own powers,
but you can,
and that's why we plead for them,
in Jesus' name,

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your life with us. We are so much richer because of knowing you. God grant you peace above all our understanding.

MMM said...

And in the Desert of the Real, yet again, I lift my eyes to You, Abba.

Now the battle is raging within, with illness seeking to take hold. Please don't let it.
And the battle continues without, with despair and giving up dancing on the horizon. Let those demons come no closer, Abba.

The clinging evil, wash it away, Abba.

The hope that springs eternal even when all it does is create a damp and muddy spot, keep it flowing, Abba.


bjk said...

I am awed continually at how God uses this medium.....I am awed at the authenticity that comes through and how knowing when I am off track I can come and be led back.
Thank You Will for sharing this journey and there are prayers surrounding you and your family.
Prayers and a hopefulness that can only come from Him.
Prayers for Brenda to fall deeply into His arms and in that falling for both of you to see a HOPE that can only come from Him.

~m2~ said...

will, i like the "sphere" of folks lifting you up in prayer to the Scripture in Exodus when Moses stood on the top of the hill with his staff and when he got tired (and started losing the battle), his friends came and helped to support him:

"As long as Moses kept his hands raised up,
Israel had the better of the fight,
but when he let his hands rest,
Amalek had the better of the fight.
Moses’ hands, however, grew tired;
so they put a rock in place for him to sit on.
Meanwhile Aaron and Hur supported his hands,
one on one side and one on the other,
so that his hands remained steady till sunset."

we are here to steady your hands, dear one, so you can continue to fight the good fight.

jeremiah is also in my prayers.

Judas Hate said...

A lot is said about "staying the path" to reach our goals, no matter how encumbered that path may become. I agree and disagree. I think sometimes it is necessary for us to choose a new path, as long as it still leads to the same goal.

Dear Lord,
Please bless and watch over Will, Brenda, Isaac and Jeremiah.
Please purge and cleanse all evils that attack them mentally, spiritually and physically. Please intensify your light on their home so that no evil can hide there. Now more than ever oh Lord, I feel they need your protection and guidance. I can feel as I pray that these dark forces are afraid for you to receive this prayer. This only makes me pray harder.
By your hand and through your wisdom and love, I pray to you Lord, please let your goodness, love and peace prevail for this family, now and forever. Please guide them to a new path so that they may walk together as one to their goal.


curious servant said...

Thank you, all of you, for your prayers and very kind words.

Frankly, I really don't know where things are headed.

Yesterday we learned that our car needs $1500 worth of repairs.

Today Brenda is going in for her ultrasound to check on that tumor.

We have a counseling appointment at 3:00.

Our church elders willl be meeting tonight and they will decide on a time to come to our home and pray for our family, especially Jeremiah.

I'm busy at work and that keeps me occupied.

I went for a nice long walk this morning. The stars were out, bright and clear. It was a good time to pray.

Brenda has been in an unusually better mood the last two days. It's nice, but oddly it also makes me uneasy. I have become suspicious of little things and I know it isn't right or fair.

I have avoided playing detective, giving her a little space. If there are reasons to be suspicious they will come out on their own.

Despite the suspicions I feel somewhat at peace.

Well, too busy to write a post right now, so this little comment will have to do.

Thank you, all of you, for being my extended Church family.

Love all of you...


bjk said...

Praying for you today

wilsonian said...

thinking of you...

Anonymous said...

praying continuously for you and your you lots

Jada's Gigi said...

I'm glad you are having prayer over Jeremiah and for your whole family. and yes, there is something strangely comforting about this land of blog.
Still thinking and praying for you my brother. I think we can safely say..we love you Christ we are family.