Changes

Brenda wanted to go with me to take Isaac to the prom Saturday night. It started at 8:00, went to 11:00, and we got there a little over an hour early so we could eat.

Since the restaurant at the prom had meals averaging around the $35 range we decided to eat elsewhere. We found a place that served pizza during the day and liquor after 9:00.

Isaac was so sweet. He gave the homeless woman out front two slices of pizza and a couple of bucks.

Brenda has been asking me if she might come back... She is trying to stay sober (it had only been 48 since her last drink) and wanted to go to an AA meeting.

So I went to my first AA meeting. It was called “Scully’s,” in a converted living room of a very old, tiny house in Southeast portland. There were about 20 people there, nearly all of them smoking cigarettes, and three smoking cigars. Brenda and I got coffee, found a seat near the front window, and just as the meeting started a large black man with Tourrette’s sat beside Brenda. It was an interesting evening.

Brenda and I had a fairly good evening, though she complained about having to take Isaac to the prom. Most kids his age are able to get themselves around.

Still... things went pretty well, and Brenda kept hinting that she wanted to work things out between us. She had moved back to her AA sponsor’s, and wanted to come back home.

Sunday morning was hectic. Get the boys fed, get everyone ready for church, pick up my mother in law and get to the church in time to pray with the pastors a half hour before church began.

I invited Mary, my M-I-L, over for lunch, but she declined. When we got home from dropping her off Brenda was still there.

Again she hinted at wanting to work things out, but...

She left to go to the post office and then to her sponsor’s house.

The phone rang a few minutes later.

“Will! It’s me! I’ve been a in a really bad wreck!”

“Are you OK? Are you hurt?!”

“No, I’m fine. I’m at Douglas and third.”

“I’ll be right there!”

I switched off the oven that was warming up lunch. Raced to the van, maneuvered through town as quickly as possible, getting there before the police.






We emptied the contents of the car into the van. I scraped my hand getting the after market stereo out (I wouldn't make a very good thief, I had to break the surrounding dashboard to get at it).

She kept worrying about getting to and from her sponsor's house without a car (we only had liability insurance, with a $25,000 cap).

"First things, first," I told her. "Let's get through this and we'll figure it all out."

She broke down.

She said she was so sorry.

She said that the accident was a wake up call.

She asked me to let her come back.

We went home.

I called some friends.

Two women from our church came over, spent over two hours.

We talked.

And Brenda seemed to finally break down.

She gave up.

"I want to be your wife," she said.

"I want to be your husband," said I.

So... she's back.

I have no idea if this will really work.

"...forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us..."

When I say The Lord's Prayer I mean it. I am asking God to cut me some slack, not to hold things against me, just as much as I am willing not to hold things against others.

I know, this is insane. I haven't any reason to believe it will work.

But, I believe I must give her the chance if she asks.

I'm no saint. I'm not anyone special.

But, I feel I have to do this as long as it does not hurt my kids.

To be frank, I'm feeling awkward, embarrassed, more uncertain than ever.

So many folks have been reading this blog, praying for me, praying for us. I wonder if they will think I'm a spineless wimp tumbling in whichever direction the wind blows. I think some may feel I am doing the right thing, and they will try to make me feel better about this.

I don't want anything but to do the right thing. And that's the rub. I am no longer sure what is the right thing.

...Forgive me my sins as I...