It might seem that over the last couple of years my life has unravelled... But, I think, perhaps, the reverse is true.
Unfaithful wife, dead dog, handicapped son moving out, huge sleep deficit...
I’ve wondered a lot about who I am, what I am.
Losing someone I trusted my life to, dedicated my life to, had me wondering if I am perhaps not enough to warrant someone’s love, warrant faithfulness.
Makes me wonder who I am, what I am.
I think this is what I am:
I’m a man. A man does not need to be a philanderer to be a man. A man does not need to be crude, or drunk, uncaring.
I see that I’m the sensitive sort, and that may not seem tough, but it can be.
I’m a Christ follower.
He was the sensitive sort.
But He knew how to work, how to be a man.
He was a carpenter, a regular blue collar guy. He was familiar with wine and of Man's foibles, and rubbed shoulders with rough characters, and He cared.
He touched those who hurt, even those with diseases which repelled most. He stood between the weak and the powerful.
When I think of my children, how I feel when I suspect they have been mistreated, I know, I absolutely know I would step between any threat and my children.
And, I know, I absolutely know, I would do the same for any child. It’s at the heart of why I am a teacher.
So, I’m the sensitive sort. I am the creative sort and I emote.
So was Jesus.
But He was able to stand before the ultimate earthly authority, secular and religious, and take whatever they dished out.
I don’t know if I could do anything close to that. But I know He was sensitive, and creative, and emotional.
And He was a man.
My life might appear to have unravelled, but I have discovered more about who I am, and I have shed things that were false (the pretended love of a woman, the illusion of a marriage).
I think I will get to the end of the school year, I will go to Thailand, I will have trouble doing nothing for a week or so, and then, I will relax. I will breathe deep, I will soak up the sun, and I will relax. I will reflect on my passions and my strengths.
Being creative, being sensitive, are not liabilities. They are simply a part of who I am. And... I’m a man.
About Me
- Curious Servant
- I have adopted two boys from Haiti. Both are mentally handicapped. One is is now 20, the other 18. I divorced my wife of 28 years a few years ago and have just remarried, a woman from Belize. I find beauty in many things... many, many things (nature, art, people, space...) and that helps me to survive my deep empathy for so many who suffer. I like to write, and I've written quite a bit on my blogs. I have been thinking about writing a book. Unsure if it should be about the things I have experienced, or fiction (I have an interesting plot line worked out). I'm pretty open about things. I like blended whiskey, but I never have more than two drinks... usually just one, and not often at that. I have had many adventures. Makes me a little different. (Odd?)
7 comments:
"Being creative, being sensitive, are not liabilities."
I'll say!
You're a fine man, Will.
You are a man among men my brother. Those who have an idea of what He wants man to be look to your {unique} example.
Only He is perfect and without sin, without flaw. But I see none try harder or with more conviction than you.
If ever I could imagine Him smiling down upon one of his children with pride, I imagine Him looking upon you.
i love Love LOVE this! YES!
i have loved discovering who i am ... not who my parents wished i'd be, or not be, ... not who my ex wished i'd be, or not be. i've discovered, me. and you know what? i like ME! that's been a wonderful surprise :).
i am funny and goofy and tenderhearted and fun and serious and lighthearted and i love to laugh and giggle. i love to be a mom. i love to watch a bug crawl across it's path. i just love, and i love the freedom to be me ... i love the freedom of being me.
i'm so glad to see you finding YOU ... who you really and truly are ... and loving that person, that man.
Way to go Will
you rock mr. will
glad you're my friend!!!!
Will...A man should not be defined by his physical strength or his emotional ineptitude, rather he should be defined by his character. A man is not weak because he cares or feels.
Men who cheat...who have no moral compass...who have less than honorable values...who don't understand the importance of priorities...who do not value relationships...who are self-absorbed and concerned only for their own happiness...these are not men of strong character.
Character aside, these are not men at all, rather overgrown boys, who have been misguided and taught from a worldly perspective. They have been coddled and their behavior enabled rather than taught responsibility, love and respect. To them, the grass always appears to be greener, but never is. They cannot find true peace because they are forever unsettled. They are not secure in themselves and therefore cannot truly love or respect another.
As a result, they will always take the low road rather than assuming any kind of responsibility...they simply don't have the character to deal with difficult, and sometimes unpleasant, situations in life. It's easier for them to ignore and move on, leaving someone else to pick up the pieces.
You have a lot to be proud of, Will. Being the best parent you can be, and doing it alone...your success in helping Jeremiah become independent, the way you've dealt with the divorce, your unwavering faith, the unconditional love you have for your boys...not to mention the dedication you have to your students.
That's what defines you...not some worldly view of what a "man" should be. Be confident in who you are and what you represent.
Yes, you are a man, and a fine example of one! You are becoming a better and better man all the time.
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