Where the Rubber Meets the Road

I fell asleep last night without going to my sons and praying with them, talking with them, blessing them.

I was exhausted.

I awoke this morning feeling like I have the flu. No fever, but overly sensitive hearing, sense of touch, waves of nausea, and wanting to stay in bed.

But I got up, and I'm at the computer. My mind won't stop, won't rest.

Brenda is at a motel not too far from her work. She invited me to come see her, but I haven't. She needs time to think without my input.

And I'm thinking too.

OK... enough of a preamble. I am obviously avoiding what I sat down to write.

Though it is true that this mess is of Brenda and my choices, I keep thinking about him, John. I've had a recurring impulse to go see him.

I know where he works. I know where he lives.

I've shared this with some folks, and their advice ranges from "If it is true, if it is honest... do it." to "You go over there and I'll bust your chestnuts." In between are ones that suggest I pray about it, listen to my heart, listen for God's direction.

Last Sunday's post ended with a passage from scripture:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord.

On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
--Romans 12:17-20

What I want to do is go tell him off. I want to tell him he is a weasel. That he continued a relationship with a married woman, and though he let her choose when to come and go he did not have the courage to force her to choose, to seek an exclusive relationship, and did not honor commitments she had made, honor the value of marriage. That as a man I see him unworthy.

I wanted him to see my face, know that there is a person here, someone who loves his family, and is being hurt by his choices.

I wanted him to know that my children are being hurt.

And... I secretly imagine the whole range of possible interactions with him from the above through breaking his nose.

It's the sort of thing my father taught me a real man would do (and I did once, 26 years ago).

I'm not fond of oft used phrases, but one keeps coming to mind this morning: "Where the rubber meets the road."

Do you know why rubber makes such a good material for tires?

It is a little sticky, and it comes apart.

When you drive down the road, molecules of rubber stick to the road and are ripped away from the rest of the rubber. You could think of it as your tires slowly unraveling. That is what a lot of that dust is around roads.

When tires are especially hot, or if they are being pushed across the road rather than rolling (skidding), particles are ripped away, not just molecules, leaving a smear of tiny bits of black on the pavement.

Those characteristics of rubber make them good at holding your car firmly to the road, but at the cost of continually spending itself.

I was looking at the tires on my van. I am going to need to replace them sooner than I want.

"Where the rubber meets the road."

That is the place where there is the cost of the tires. The place where the quality of the rubber demonstrates its effectiveness.

Did you notice the cost involved in the passage of scripture I just quoted?

If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Oh, come on!

I get along with just about everyone I meet. But if I have an adversary right now, besides the warring in my heart and the tensions between my wife and I, it is John.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

OK... I get it. But I don't think I can do it. Could I go see that man and not only avoid breaking his nose, but demonstrate love to him?

Could I say or do something that would show him that I see he has a soul, is a tormented person like everyone else on this world, and that I wish him well?

I don't know I could.

I don't know I could be kind to him. To follow Christ.

If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.
--Luke 6:29

Could I do that?

I'm too tired to try.

I guess I'm saying that sometimes I feel my faith asks an awful lot of me... and I don't know if I could do it.

I appreciate that my faith is larger than me. If it was all wishy washy, asking nothing of me, then it would be no grander than my own heart, my own conscience.

I just don't know if I am as big hearted as I would like to be.